To My Madex.. From Mommy..

August 3rd... It has been exactly 3 months since Madex went to be with the Lord... So Madex this is for you... I love you and miss you every day. I went through your stuff tonight. I could still catch the scent of you on your clothes. It made my heart ache, but brought a smile to my face. I still need you son. I still want you here with me everyday. Seeing everyone happy with their new babies just kills me inside. I am happy for them, but I also envy them. I wish that I could just hold you one more time. Just kiss your forehead and hear your laugh one more time. I would even love to hear your cry. The one that kept me up most night. Your brother, Mavrick, says all the time he misses you. He told me tonight that he wants to get you a teddy bear for your birthday. Malachi and Memphis looks at your pictures and looks around for you. I know they all love and miss you too. I can't believe you have been gone for 3 months. You would be 7 months old right now. Son, please know that I will never forget you. I will never let your memory die. You are my son. I love you so very much and I don't know what I would do without you. I try to stay strong, I really do, but I don't know if I can anymore. I still beg to God to bring you back. I love and miss you so much baby. Son, please forgive me, please forgive me for going to work that day, for not being there when you needed me the most, please I am so sorry. I am so very sorry. You mean so much to me. I should have stayed home that day. I should have just called in sick. I am so sorry I failed you. I love you so very much. I listen to the song "Hug Him Once for Me" every night. It is like a ritual for me now. I can't go to sleep unless I hear it no matter how late it is. Til the day I can see you again I will listen to that song every night. I love you with all my heart and soul. Your Mommy, Victoria.